Leaning into being a loner

With apologies to my sweetheart

I am in a relationship with a man who is a self-described people lover. Let me tell you what kind of people lover he is. When I took him along with me for the first time to the Unitarian church I attend, he really enjoyed the choir. After the service ended, he marched over to the music Director, looked her directly into the eyes, grabbed her by the shoulders, and shook her— gently, but enthusiastically. I thought the woman might take exception to a stranger laying hands on her in such an extra – religious way. I thought she might be horrified at the invasion of personal space. I thought she might well be within her rights to smack him. But what he did didn’t seem to bother her at all. She was surprised, yes, but she also seemed delighted. She smiled, patted his hand and thanked him. In the months since, they make it a point to talk to each other after the service because they genuinely like each other.

There is a part of the service in this church called the moment of friendship where the congregants greet each other and, given what I’ve just told you, you can imagine how my sweetheart responds to THAT. He clasps tightly whatever hand takes his and you would think it was old home week. This is in stark contrast to me, who would prefer to sit somewhere where there is no one around so I don’t have to make dreadful small talk. Bob can yak right away to anyone with great charm and energy. He can find common ground within five seconds. When I have to make small talk, I feel squinched up inside and wish, wish, wish rather than, “Um…..Hello. Yeah, so, Hi,” I could say, “Do you ever see someone standing by the window and wonder what they’re thinking about?” Or perhaps, “What is your greatest fear?”

The other night, Bob asked me, have you ALWAYS been this way?