Satan: Hey, everybody, thanks for coming. I want to do a kind of free-form session here today, coming up with some ideas to torture Elizabeth Berg.
(unnerving sounds of excitement: growls, howls, and gas passing)
Satan: (laughing) Hold on, hold on, I don’t mean real torture.
(employees, in unison: Awwwwwww!)
Satan: No, I was thinking of just some really really annoying things to do to make her feel dispirited.
Employee 1: She’s already dispirited. Don’t you read their newspapers?
Satan: I do the Sudoko and read the obits.
Employee 2: You don’t know what you’re missing. The newspaper is full of dispiriting stuff. Good job, somebody! Just yesterday, I heard a woman say that she felt she needed to wear psychic armor to read the paper.
Satan: Well, I’m just in one of those moods where I want to …I don’t know, needle someone. Kind of like death by paper cuts. So satisfying, don’t you agree?
(general sounds of snorty agreement)
Satan: Okay, ideas?
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to I've Been Thinking... to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.