Your call is very important to us

A wee diatribe

Hello, and welcome to SatanWerks! We are so glad you’re using this automated service rather than bothering us with a live phone call. Which we do not accept anyway. Your phone call is VERY important to us, but who needs live phone calls, am I right? All that time-wasting and tedious exchanging of pleasantries! All that WORK we would have to do when we can have YOU do it instead! Thank you for that, we appreciate you so much! OK, let’s get started.

Please pay attention to the prompts, as some of our options may have changed. Might have, you never know. Sometimes we change options due to the feedback you offer us on the extremely rare occasions that we pay attention to your feedback. Other times, on a day when we’re tired of flipping paper clips at each other in the office, we think, Hey! Why don’t we change our options just to mess with some heads? Seriously, though, the reason you’ll need to pay attention to the prompts is that if you mess up, you’ll have to start all over from the top, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to do that. We really ought to fix that glitch, but no one wants to take the time to do it. After all, our motto is why waste our time when we can waste yours?